GOP Bill Would Arm Fetuses in Womb To Prevent 'Woke Abortions'

Joan Westenberg

Joan Westenberg

— 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold legislative move hailed by conservatives and actually read by everyone else, House Republicans this week unveiled the Fetal Firearm Freedom Act, a bill that would mandate the arming of all viable fetuses in an effort to "promote liberty, deter prenatal crime, and protect the unborn from leftist ideology."

"This is about fetal self-defense," said Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-TX), gently swaddling a pistol the size of a peanut. "If liberals can terminate pregnancies, then fetuses should at least have a fighting chance."

The bill, co-sponsored by 42 lawmakers with visible NRA barcodes, outlines sweeping new protections for in-utero gun ownership. Provisions include:

  • Issuance of one (1) glock per fetus upon detection of heartbeat
  • NRA-sponsored Lamaze classes with tactical firearm training
  • Tax credits for parents who choose open carry ultrasounds
  • Stand-Your-Womb clauses granting fetuses legal immunity for any internal discharge

At a press event held inside a Cabela's, Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) called the bill "a return to traditional values," adding, "Every fetus deserves the right to defend itself against woke culture, gender ideology, and Joe Biden's inflation."

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis also voiced support, posing next to a weaponized sonogram printout labeled "Baby's First Killstreak." "We’re not just pro-life. We’re pro-ballistics," DeSantis said. "If you’re old enough to grow a spinal cord, you’re old enough to exercise your Second Amendment rights."

The proposed law would require hospitals to include biometric trigger locks in delivery room care packages, alongside formula, diapers, and a laminated copy of the Constitution. Parents who decline would be placed on a federal watchlist titled "Potential Communists."

Critics of the bill argue that giving firearms to fetuses may present certain logistical and ethical complications. In response, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) accused opponents of being part of a "globalist cabal of pacifier confiscators."

Read more