Somewhere, in a place that used to be a country, the stolen voice of a Midwestern 20-year-old woman burbles joyfully and unironically into a set of earbuds: Hi, I’m Lucy, your ai concierge, and I’m here to welcome to the Golden Eagle psychedelic retreat, where we help you
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold legislative move hailed by conservatives and actually read by everyone else, House Republicans this week unveiled the Fetal Firearm Freedom Act, a bill that would mandate the arming of all viable fetuses in an effort to "promote liberty, deter prenatal crime, and protect
Howard Blythe had once read three pages of John Stuart Mill and considered this a complete liberal education. He carried this intellectual achievement with the benighted pride of a man who has memorized the capitals of seven Midwestern states and expects this to come up at dinner parties. His wife
An Op-Ed Roundtable
From: Office of Strategic Communications & War Vibes™ aka "Pete and The Lads" To: The Boys Subject: Updated Operational Security Guidance for Epic Warfighting Date: March 25, 2025 Classification: Totally Chill (Unless Someone Screenshots It) [ REDACTED ], Patriots, As you’re aware, last week’s Signal Situation—where we
The reek hit first: scorched circuits, old cum, and the sweet metallic tang of decaying alpha male—ozone and failure baked into the drywall of Elon Musk’s rancid Texas ego-palace. Inside: a gaudy Frankenstein of tech-nihilism and colonial cosplay, where once the self-anointed Techno-King now lay flopped across a
For years, Washington insiders have whispered of a creature long thought extinct—a political vertebrae so elusive, so thoroughly vanished, it was assumed to have dissolved sometime between the 2016 GOP primary debates and Marco Rubio’s 47th “deeply concerned” tweet. But now, against all odds—and possibly against medical
Senator Charles Schumer had developed, over many years, the ability to seem alert while sleeping with his eyes open. He had perfected this talent specifically for committee meetings and any instance of his duty that demanded his physical presence. He could appear to be listening with great attention while actually
