Joan Westenberg

GOP Bill Would Arm Fetuses in Womb To Prevent 'Woke Abortions'

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold legislative move hailed by conservatives and actually read by everyone else, House Republicans this week unveiled the Fetal Firearm Freedom Act, a bill that would mandate the arming of all viable fetuses in an effort to "promote liberty, deter prenatal crime, and protect

The Magnificent Reversal of Howard Blythe

Howard Blythe had once read three pages of John Stuart Mill and considered this a complete liberal education. He carried this intellectual achievement with the benighted pride of a man who has memorized the capitals of seven Midwestern states and expects this to come up at dinner parties. His wife

Is Genocide Good for the Dow? Our Columnists Weigh In.

An Op-Ed Roundtable

Musk's Final Malfunction

The reek hit first: scorched circuits, old cum, and the sweet metallic tang of decaying alpha male—ozone and failure baked into the drywall of Elon Musk’s rancid Texas ego-palace. Inside: a gaudy Frankenstein of tech-nihilism and colonial cosplay, where once the self-anointed Techno-King now lay flopped across a

The Senator Who Almost.

Senator Charles Schumer had developed, over many years, the ability to seem alert while sleeping with his eyes open. He had perfected this talent specifically for committee meetings and any instance of his duty that demanded his physical presence. He could appear to be listening with great attention while actually